Friday, July 01, 2005

Digest: The Day the Music Died

It started off like a pretty regular day, and had so much promise: the three day weekend fast approaching, less than 80 degree weather for the first time in two weeks, fewer than half the people I know were at work, and Tom Cruise was about to make an ass of himself on national television...Simpler times, my children.

Then Sandra Day O'Connor decides to quit her job. Come on, Sandra, we all hate working. But we do it anyway, and you has the added benefit of being able to save America from self-destructively annihilating every ounce of freedom we have fought for and achieved over the last two centuries. Yeah, whatever. It's cool. I love horseback riding as much as the next girl.

So, I suppose the lesson is twofold: 1) never, ever plan your day around daytime television because it is always, always pre-emptied by something you could just as easily find on the internet; and 2) burn flags, worship mushrooms, have abortions, transport a person of color across state lines and spit chewing gum on the sidewalk now, because Bush is going to replace Justice O'Connor with all due haste and speed. If only those pesky Senate Democrats keeps their filthy, Hollywood blood-money-stuffed, terrorist-loving mouths shut.

But seriously, can you think of a more disheartening and jarring way to start your day? You are supposed to get to see the most unfathomably insane person on Earth talk about how aliens think you should get the hell out of therapy while simultaneously ignoring the fact that he paid a straight girl to be his professional beard, and instead you are greeted with the news that civil liberties as we have known them since All in the Family,M*A*S*H*, the Mary Tyler Moore Show and The Bob Newhardt Show compromised CBS's Saturday night laughin may very well be over. (oh, I looked that up online, btw.)

In other news: the best way to get to the 3rd floor of a building is to take the elevator. Stairs are also a good option, if the elevator isn't immediately available. Remember that, if you ever get another job interview. Also, a clean shirt never hurt anybody.

But no matter, for this is a holiday weekend. The Fourth of July can mean a lot of things to Americans in this time of war and conflict both at home and abroad, but really what it means is that we all get Monday off. I bet even Starbucks is closed on Monday. But somehow I feel in my heart that Reckless Records will remain open.

Rock on, Crocodile Rockers.

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