Explainer: Why don't people care on the weekends?

Take a moment to relax and sit back in your chair, close your eyes, and think about what you did this weekend.

Are you comfy? Can I get you some juice?

Take this weekend, for example: a National holiday centered around food and blowing up stuff, excellent weather, tennis on the telly, friends in from out of town, parties in hipster lofts with bathrooms bigger than my apartment, a wedding reception, plays, man-love, friendship. So much to do, and so little time in which to do it and get over the 7 vodka tonics you ingested "by accident" on Saturday night.

And so, internet, we have no time to placate you. Our attentions were elsewhere. We were doing. We were participating. The weekdays, the workdays, these are the days when our unmitigated boredom and distaste for effort are apparent.

So our apologies if you missed us, I suppose, but this is the way the cookie crumbles. Now I need a nap and about a month on the elliptical runner, so if you'll excuse me, I'll be off now.

--the management