Climb Every Mountain

As most of you know, I am not a mountain climber at heart. Or at soul, or, really, anywhere.

So it was with some trepidation that I agreed to accompany my brother, his wife, and 13 of their closest friends on a camping trip up a mountain to celebrate his 30th birthday.

I survived, however, and by some measures actually had an amazingly good time.

Here is an excerpt of my account of the weekend. Names may have been changed to protect the innocent. Or not.

My brother, sister-in-law and I left Park Slope at 8am.

Our first stop is at a starbucks in Chinatown, which was the rendezvous point with another camper, as it was deemed halfway between my brother's apartment and hers. She arrived late, something about a lost wallet, $10 in quarters, paying a cabbie via check, and an awful hangover. She spent much of the rest of the trip trying to shake off her new nickname-'hangover girl'.

Not long after we picked her up, a cell phone rang. Here's, essentially, a transcription of the conversation:
Sister-in-Law (SIL): Hi, What's up?
Brother's oldest childhood friend (BOCF): Hey, so, I have a logistical question, one which is actually shared by everyone in my car.
SIL: what's that?
BOCF: So, are we, well, are we camping by where we leave the cars, or do we need to bring all our camping gear up the mountain?
SIL: the latter.
BOCF: hmmm. So, we uh, probably need big backpacks. huh.
SIL: yes.

*please note that this car was also coming from Brooklyn and was supposed to arrive at the mountain at the same time as our car. We were already out of the Holland tunnel, they weren't packed*

I instantly felt better about my chances of surviving the weekend unharmed.

We had an uneventful drive, listening to ipods and telling stories, and stopped at a diner around 10:30am. While there we called at least one member of the other 5 cars to check on progress. 11am was the theoretical meeting time, but we expected people to be late.

We got a status update on all the cars.
BOCF estimates a 12:30 arrival. Another NY van estimates 11:30, and the new haven group says 12. The Boston car, meanwhile, says "just turning onto . Should be there right on time".

We finished our coffee, used the last real bathroom we'd see for quite some time, and drove on. We arrived at the starting point at about 11:15...and there was no Boston car. Also no cell reception. So, we waited.

Around 11:30 SIL asks "where, exactly, did he say he was turning?" We discuss this and, once we look at a map, realize that
the Boston car is on the wrong side of the mountain. So bro&SIL drive off to find cell reception and make some calls, leaving Hangover Girl (HG) and I to greet the others.

Of course, HG and I between us only know 6 of the 16 people expected on this trip, all of whom are in the cars running the most late.

The New Haven car arrives next. HG and I cautiously establish identity and make idle chit-chat while a musician friend of my brother sets up a speaker outside his car and blasts Brahms' requiem. Clearly, the tone has been set.

Another car arrived around 12. Those of us who were on time were beginning to get a little grumpy, but also enjoyed being on flat ground. We played 4 square with a tennis ball, etc. Bro periodically wanders off to use a cell phone to contact the others.

A van pulls up around 1. At 1:15 the Boston car pulls up, looking chagrined and miserable. We reassure him that he was only last by 15 minutes.

We then decide to redistribute the food and booze to everyone's backpacks. We all end up with heavy loads; my brother's backpack was the biggest, but my sister-in-law's backpack might have been bigger than she is.

We all took a bracing swig of bourbon, and started off at 2:00. Only 3 hours behind schedule and only 1 hour behind my brother's "assuming everyone's late, worst-case" scenario.

About 20 minutes into the hike...oh, you need more info about the actual hike.

5.9 miles to lake. Drop gear. Hike 3.4 more miles to top of mountain, hike down to lake. Eat, drink, camp, 5.9 miles back to the car Sunday AM. That's the basic plan.

so, about 20 minutes in we run into some park rangers. Here is my attempt to remember the exact conversation. Characters are:
PR1=Parkranger #1.
B=my brother
FFOB=female friend of brother
MFOB=male friend of brother.
AFOB=athlete friend of brother (gender not relevant to exchange).

PR1: howdy folks. You headed to echo lake? How many of you are there? What's the occasion?
MFOB: yup, 16 total, his 30th birthday
PR1: May I see your camping permit?
All: camping permit?

*negotiations ensue. Result is a one night camping permit issued on the spot*

PR1: Some advice, though it may be too late. Cans crush, bottles are almost as heavy on the way down as the way up. Not that you will be drinking. Now, do you have enough rope?
FFOB: rope?
PR1: for the bears
FFOB: bears?
AFOB: yes, I have plenty of rope. Will hold up to 300 pounds.
FFOB: 300 pounds? Rope?
MFOB: we might have to hand our gear from the trees so the bears don't eat it.
B: I thought the only problem was bobcats?
PR1: oh, no. we get lots of bears. Any food, drink, deodorant, sunscreen, insect repellent, food wrappers...All that you need to hang from the trees. Also your hiking boots because they like the salt. Anything you have that has any scent at all you should hang.
FFOB: really?
MFOB: well, we can just, like, climb the tree and put our stuff there, right?
PR2: if you can climb it, so can the bear. If you leave anything with any scent in range, the bears will come. And you probably don't want a mama bear in your tent.
B: what about things like epi pens and snake kits, we can keep those, right?
FFOB: snake kit?
PR1: no. hang those. The snake kit won't help with the rattlers.
MFOB: rattlers?
PR2: The only snakes you need to worry about are the rattlers.
MFOB: there aren't rattlesnakes in NY (guffaws)
B: actually, this is the one mountain where there are
PR2: Yup
PR1: if someone gets bit, you send the fastest person to run to the cars and get a doctor while the rest of you help the injured person back. snake kit won't do anything
MFOB: (jokingly) well, couldn't we just suck and amputate?
PR1: that's TV stuff. Last person who tried that...lets just say it didn't turn out well.
FFOB: dear god, you're kidding, right?
PR1: do I look like I'm kidding?
B: what about the bobcats?
PR2: with luck you'll hear them coming. Have fun, and happy birthday
AFOB: come on guys, don't be such wimps.
FFOB: ummm.......


The actual hiking was fun. Nothing shockingly hard or easy. Some of my brother's friends who were college athletes are no longer athletic...so I wasn't last.
I also established that of the 16 people on the hike, 15 were either invovled with the law or with the arts.
On the law side were 2 public defenders, 1 law student, 1 Spitzer employee, 1 human rights lawyer, 1 corporate tax lawyer, 1 ex-corporate lawyer writing a novel, and 2 legal journal writers. Representing the arts were 2 dancers, me, 1 trumpeter, 1 guitarist, and 1 artist. I think I have that count correct...

conversations were varied and interesting.

We got to the lake at 4:30, left our stuff at the campsite with a couple. They opened a bottle of wine and set up some tents. We hiked to the top of the mountain and enjoyed the view, once again passing the flask.

We ooh-ed and ahh-d and then came back to the lake.

We had dinner (sandwiches from whole foods), wine, and whiskey. we had cake, which had been carried up in two containers--one with cake, one with frosting. Brilliant!

We lay by the fire, eating, drinking, and listening to the three guitarists. One pretty much knows Johnny Cash and folk music, my brother pretty much knows acoustic guitar songs that he wrote, and the third pretty much knows classic rock.

We had a sing-along for a while. The people camped across the lake requested Free Bird, we obliged.

Hoisting the backpacks up into the trees was an amusing endeavor, but we were ultimately successful and then went to bed.

As we were beginning to drift off, however, my 2 tentmates and I heard something that sounded a lot like a bear, but was actually just someone snoring.

We were up early (the sun intruded), but only my brother went running.
Breakfast was granola and soy milk, but there was only one bowl, which caused some logistical issues.
We had lots of soy milk left at the end, so there were some soy-chugging contests as pouring it out for the bears seemed like a bad idea, as did carrying opened cartons.
Most people went swimming in the lake, I declined.
Then we hiked back down.

Lots more was fun(ny), but probably only if you were there.