NEVER travel on Thanksgiving; an open letter
Dear Thanksgiving:
Every person I talk to about the holiday tries to give me the same advice I have been living for years: Don't travel on Thanksgiving. Living in the Midwest, it was always the time when it finally snowed and everything was a disaster. Now, living in New York, the idea of going anywhere near LaGuardia (or JFK, or Newark) makes me want to hurl. This is not the NyQuil talking people. This is real. I say to the people of the United States: stay where you are! If we created a mass movement of staying the f*ck home, we wouldn't all hate each other so damn much.
Also, it might make the After Thanksgiving sales at Macy's and other fine institutions of fashion easier. I don't have any money, but if I did, wouldn't it be nice if 97 million people hadn't just flown in from Florida.
So, truly, Thanksgiving, tell the people the secret that you and I know for sure. Stay home! And keep it real close to home. That's why God invented Skype and cell phones and Chinese food. And friends!
Anyway, Thanksgiving, you know I love you, I'm probably just bitter. But it's mainly because I cannot find whole unshelled walnuts to bring to sweet Margo tomorrow, and I have failed as a family friend. Also, I got a new dress that isn't quite what I thought it would be. I thought it was navy, but it is more of a purple. I should know better than to order stuff half off at Jcrew. After all these years. Truly.
So here is a list of killer things one can do at home for YOU that will make your life better and keep the skies clear:
Learn how to cook a turkey
Get drunk on Wednesday night and sleep in on Thursday morning
eat until you die
watch all the TV in the history of time
download music illegally from the internet
inappropriate phone calls to long lost friends and relatives
reading all those magazines that you never have time for
learn to crochet
adopt a pet
write on a blog
have a cold
discuss politics with the dad of a friend of yours you don't know that well
see a movie
go to a museum you've never seen before
revel in the loveliness of your new SmartWool socks
have a nap in the midafternoon during the course of which you dream about a tall blond man
internet shop
fight terrorism with your love of freedom (ongoing effort)
Keep it real, Thanksgiving! You are such a good holiday!
Love,
Nyquil Marie
Every person I talk to about the holiday tries to give me the same advice I have been living for years: Don't travel on Thanksgiving. Living in the Midwest, it was always the time when it finally snowed and everything was a disaster. Now, living in New York, the idea of going anywhere near LaGuardia (or JFK, or Newark) makes me want to hurl. This is not the NyQuil talking people. This is real. I say to the people of the United States: stay where you are! If we created a mass movement of staying the f*ck home, we wouldn't all hate each other so damn much.
Also, it might make the After Thanksgiving sales at Macy's and other fine institutions of fashion easier. I don't have any money, but if I did, wouldn't it be nice if 97 million people hadn't just flown in from Florida.
So, truly, Thanksgiving, tell the people the secret that you and I know for sure. Stay home! And keep it real close to home. That's why God invented Skype and cell phones and Chinese food. And friends!
Anyway, Thanksgiving, you know I love you, I'm probably just bitter. But it's mainly because I cannot find whole unshelled walnuts to bring to sweet Margo tomorrow, and I have failed as a family friend. Also, I got a new dress that isn't quite what I thought it would be. I thought it was navy, but it is more of a purple. I should know better than to order stuff half off at Jcrew. After all these years. Truly.
So here is a list of killer things one can do at home for YOU that will make your life better and keep the skies clear:
Learn how to cook a turkey
Get drunk on Wednesday night and sleep in on Thursday morning
eat until you die
watch all the TV in the history of time
download music illegally from the internet
inappropriate phone calls to long lost friends and relatives
reading all those magazines that you never have time for
learn to crochet
adopt a pet
write on a blog
have a cold
discuss politics with the dad of a friend of yours you don't know that well
see a movie
go to a museum you've never seen before
revel in the loveliness of your new SmartWool socks
have a nap in the midafternoon during the course of which you dream about a tall blond man
internet shop
fight terrorism with your love of freedom (ongoing effort)
Keep it real, Thanksgiving! You are such a good holiday!
Love,
Nyquil Marie
posted by Ann Marie at 7:36 PM
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